Empathicists and narcissists: Two very different types of people, and yet empathicists are often trapped in such a relationship. Empathic people are extremely sensitive to the world and their emotions and can internalize the emotional experiences of others as if they were their own.
Narcissists, on the other hand, are extremely self-absorbed people and tend to manipulate others to serve their own, selfish needs. They need to be cared for and admired. The reasons we end up with each other are complex, but it is often related to the fact that narcissists are hurt people who need each other’s attention and empathizers are straightforwardly willing to help.
There are 18 development stages of the relationship between those two types of people. The example is about the relationship between an empathic female and a male narcissist.
The narcissist attracts the empathetic and there a relationship begins to develop. The empathetic person feels reassured that someone needs him or her; at first, he or she feels valued for their care. A strong sense of unconditional love for the narcissist begins to develop, and the latter has no intention of reciprocating that love, even if it seems like he does.
2. The illusion
As the relationship continues, the empathetic person will begin to feel as if a true bond has been established between them and to believe that he has finally met the love of her life. The narcissistic person will create the illusion that he is the perfect match and will wear that mask that he wants the exact same relationship with the empathic, while his goal will be to be in control.
In time, the narcissist will want to break the self-esteem of the empathic. He will never attack him immediately, but will make comments that will challenge the choices and abilities of the empathizer, until finally the latter begins to doubt himself. He will feel weak, but also lucky to have the narcissist in his life, thus creating an unhealthy addiction.
Once the narcissist takes control, he will play the role of the victim and will be nourished by the need of the empath to take care of him, to be always present for him. This turns into a continuous cycle of manipulation.
The empath will have pure intentions of love and will do everything he can to help the narcissist because he does not see clearly. The truth is that unfortunately, the narcissist does not see that he is hurt, that there is something he has to face. The empathizer will never be able to cure him.
6. The trap
The relationship reaches the point where everything now concerns the narcissist. It all revolves around his needs, wants, decisions. The empathetic person begins to realize this over time. But he hates hurting others or making someone dislike him. That is why he will continue to satisfy the narcissist, even if he is unhappy in the relationship.
7. The cycle
The more the empathic person gives, the more control the narcissist gains. The cycle of manipulation will continue, sucking every action from the empathic, and this until the situation reaches its limit.
The empathetic person will finally raise the tone of his voice, he will defend himself. He will also feel depressed, tired, and will finally have seen that in fact his own needs have never been met. The illusion of the relationship will collapse and her real face will be revealed. The narcissist does not like this conversion at all.
9. It is never enough
Narcissists are people who constantly need attention and will do everything in their power to be satisfied, especially when it comes to relationships. Their ego will always need something more.
10. Back to the 3rd level
When the empath begins to articulate and express everything that bothers him, the narcissist will deal with it, degrading him, calling him “paranoid,” “crazy,” so that he can discourage him and continue the cycle of manipulation.
11. Psychological abuse
The empath begins to feel guilty about everything that goes wrong in the relationship, that he is not good enough and worthy of being loved. He fails to understand that he is being manipulated. He can no longer see the control imposed on him. At this point, the narcissist has made the empathic feel like he’s the bad guy. She blames him for what goes wrong, to have the upper hand.
The empathizer will take a step back to try to work out everything he feels. He will understand how lost and hurt he feels. It will take time for some results.
Empathic people are considered the healers of society. They have the power and ability to heal others. They can find the same ability for themselves. To do this, they need to sometimes back off, to give up this work, to protect themselves.
As the empathizer works to heal her wounds, she realizes the bitter truth of their relationship. They need to face the fact that what they have is not authentic.
15. Real victim
At this crucial point, the empathizer will finally realize who the victim of the relationship was.
16. The End
When she also realizes that the narcissist will never change, that she is not the one to help him, the painful awakening comes. The one that will lead him to separation.
The narcissist will go on, finding another victim who will satisfy his needs, which the only thing he cares generally.
18. The change
The empathetic person still has a lot of work to do with himself, but if she does not give up, she will come out stronger, wiser, and more careful. This means that it will be harder for her to fall into the same trap again in the future.
Oh, my God! My head is so heavy… It’s Friday and I have to wake up.. but I don’t want to…
Five minutes later, I am in the lovely kitchen grabbing a huge cup of black coffee, a delicious piece of cake full of chocolate and calories, and my secret cigarettes for the hard times. It’s OK to let yourself smoke a little when you are a mess, isn’t?
But what I really want is just go back to sleep and the next time I’ll get up last night events would have never happened.
But they have. I am so sentimentally confused and physically exhausted by crying all night that can’t describe it. I am literally in shock! The only thing I can hear inside my mind is “You’re a fool! You’re a big fat fool! The love of your life never existed. Your love story was a lie! JUST A LIE!”
It doesn’t feel right or fair. It doesn’t make sense either.